I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I walked into the outpatient hospital. I just knew that I needed help. I saw things that I will never forget and things that will surely change my outlook on life. I started in the Partial hospitalization and eventually graduated into the Intensive Outpatient part of the program. I was in with other people who attempted suicide, those who were struggling with depression, anxiety, and serious addiction. I was there everyday for about 3 months, and it turned out being something I will be forever thankful for. We all shared our life stories, listened to each other, and offered ways to help each other. This was all moderated by a mental health counselor. I am not going to share the stories of what I saw in the hospital via internet, but feel free to ask me any questions when you see me in person.
Another thing that changed me was my Psychologist. He has been nothing short but a miracle in my life. I would see him every week when I was released from the hospital. When I was in the hospital and was not allowed to talk to him, he would call my mom to check in on me. He just understood me. I could tell him anything and he just got it. He knew exactly what to say and how to say it. Whenever I left there I felt like a completely different person. Unfortunately, in the beginning it only lasted for a couple hours.
However, they say that time heals pain. And it does. As time went on, I learned new coping skills. Whether it was getting over my parents being split, me living at my aunt and uncles, my breakup, my Tourette's, or anything else I learned how to deal.
My experience in the hospital and with my psychologist is what got me interested in psychology. I want to be exactly like my psychologist and help people who are going through similar feelings that I had. I have been relating all of my skills I learned and the things I saw to my classes, and it has been paying off. People tell me I am very easy to talk to, and I understand everything. I want to try and take these skills and turn them into a career. I can now say I have finally found my calling.
Folks, life is good. Being able to go into a Starbucks now and do my homework is something I never thought I'd be able to do, but always wanted to. The fact that I am living with my best friends at school and how they went out of their way to let me live with them is amazing. Even the fact that I am going back to Marist and am EXCITED about it is something I thought would never happen.
Honestly, you just have to live. Life is too short to think twice. Love with all your heart, but don't give your heart out to everyone. Give it to those who DESERVE it. People will come and they will go, but the ones that are meant to be there will always be there. Actually, some people are only there for a little while, but that's all they are supposed to be there for. Everyone in your life plays a special role and has a special impact. To everyone reading this, you are special to me. The fact that people will go out of their way to read what I have to say about MY life tells me how important I am to some people. I wish I could name everyone on here who has changed my life, but I don't want to leave people out. However, my mom, aunts, uncle, cousins in New Jersey and Oregon, my Marist housemates and our friends, and a few people at home will be forever in my heart. You all mean the world to me. This as I just received a text from a Marist friend saying "we can't wait to see you tomorrow."
I'm going to end this post by telling people to be nice and to love. Hold a door for someone, let someone turn before you when driving, give tips to cashiers, have a firm handshake, smile, say "Thank You" too many times, have a long conversation with a friend over coffee, have a long conversation with a stranger over coffee, exercise, do an honest day's work and then relax, sit outside and have an iced tea, be true to yourself, be an honest person, learn CPR, keep in touch with people, and finally, fall in love.
Friday, July 15, 2011
My Journey #1
First and foremost, I'm sorry that I have not been keeping up to date with my blog. I guess you can say that "life got in the way." I've been working seven (7) days a week, managing to keep up with my two online summer classes, and attempting to have a social life. Now that I am leaving one of my jobs, I should be able to keep this updated better.
Anyway, the title of this post is called "My Journey #1." I have been contemplating for a while on where I should take this blog and I couldn't really find a direction, so I came to the conclusion that I am just going to write. We already went into my dealings with Tourette's, so now I guess we can go into what really started to go downhill for me in the summer of 2010 and the beginning of the school year.
Last summer is when it all came crumbling down. My mom and I decided to move out of my house because conflict with my parents grew to be unreasonable. We had (and still have) the most gracious, thoughtful, and supportive family and friends we could ask for. My aunt and uncle provided us with the opportunity to move in with them. We had no choice but to accept. I can speak for myself and for my mom that we will be FOREVER grateful to them and the rest of our family. This and the harassment I received because of my Tourette's was hard enough, because all I wanted to do was live in my house, in my town near my friends.
The summer went on, and I finally left for school. I couldn't have been more excited for school. I was doing a major I was really interested in (Radio/TV/Film), I was living with my friends in the upperclassmen housing, and I had my girlfriend. What I was most happy about was that I was getting away from the reality that was my home life and escaping to a place where I knew I would be distracted from it, but then here it goes... Not even a month after school started, my girlfriend and I broke up and that was the icing on the cake for me. This put the final straw on my debacle of a life, and I didn't want to live like this anymore. I stopped going to class, I didn't eat any food for 24 hours straight, slept the entire day and night, didn't shower, and just didn't care about me. My parents didn't understand the depth of how depressed I was, until something happened one night and the next morning. The next part of this may be a bit tense, for the record.
I will remember this night for the rest of my life. It was 1 in the morning and I was trying to fall asleep, but I couldn't get the thought of killing myself off of my mind. I was trying to just block it out and fall asleep, but the idea just seemed to be my only way out. It was raining out. Everyone in my apartment was asleep. (This is a rarity). I finally got out of bed and walked outside. The only thing I could think of was to jump off the Mid-Hudson bridge in Poughkeespie. I was fighting with myself, my life, and apparently the inner demon that had taken over my mind. I finally went outside, sat in the rain and cried. I e-mailed my mom, dad, and psychologist the next day and told them what I had contemplated. The immediate decision was made to get me out of school that day. I was admitted into a hospital that Monday, and my life was changed from that point forward...
Anyway, the title of this post is called "My Journey #1." I have been contemplating for a while on where I should take this blog and I couldn't really find a direction, so I came to the conclusion that I am just going to write. We already went into my dealings with Tourette's, so now I guess we can go into what really started to go downhill for me in the summer of 2010 and the beginning of the school year.
Last summer is when it all came crumbling down. My mom and I decided to move out of my house because conflict with my parents grew to be unreasonable. We had (and still have) the most gracious, thoughtful, and supportive family and friends we could ask for. My aunt and uncle provided us with the opportunity to move in with them. We had no choice but to accept. I can speak for myself and for my mom that we will be FOREVER grateful to them and the rest of our family. This and the harassment I received because of my Tourette's was hard enough, because all I wanted to do was live in my house, in my town near my friends.
The summer went on, and I finally left for school. I couldn't have been more excited for school. I was doing a major I was really interested in (Radio/TV/Film), I was living with my friends in the upperclassmen housing, and I had my girlfriend. What I was most happy about was that I was getting away from the reality that was my home life and escaping to a place where I knew I would be distracted from it, but then here it goes... Not even a month after school started, my girlfriend and I broke up and that was the icing on the cake for me. This put the final straw on my debacle of a life, and I didn't want to live like this anymore. I stopped going to class, I didn't eat any food for 24 hours straight, slept the entire day and night, didn't shower, and just didn't care about me. My parents didn't understand the depth of how depressed I was, until something happened one night and the next morning. The next part of this may be a bit tense, for the record.
I will remember this night for the rest of my life. It was 1 in the morning and I was trying to fall asleep, but I couldn't get the thought of killing myself off of my mind. I was trying to just block it out and fall asleep, but the idea just seemed to be my only way out. It was raining out. Everyone in my apartment was asleep. (This is a rarity). I finally got out of bed and walked outside. The only thing I could think of was to jump off the Mid-Hudson bridge in Poughkeespie. I was fighting with myself, my life, and apparently the inner demon that had taken over my mind. I finally went outside, sat in the rain and cried. I e-mailed my mom, dad, and psychologist the next day and told them what I had contemplated. The immediate decision was made to get me out of school that day. I was admitted into a hospital that Monday, and my life was changed from that point forward...
Friday, June 3, 2011
Tourette's
Most of the people reading this blog know that I do, in fact, have Tourette's Syndrome. When someone in the world is faced with a certain hardship, that person will most likely see the beauty in humanity, or the evil that stems from Original Sin. Luckily, for me at least, I have MOSTLY seen the beauty that life has to offer. Mostly being the key word.
For those of you who don't know, I was diagnosed with Tourette's in the 4th grade. For someone to be diagnosed with TS, a person has to have constant, involuntary bodily movements for AT LEAST a year. When I was in fourth grade, I would jerk my head like crazy. At first, my mom thought it was just me copying New Jersey Devils goalie Martin Brodeur. But when she told me to stop doing that, I couldn't. This would lead to me sucking in my stomach, flexing at my rib cage, and rapid eye blinking. This is when it all started.
Most of you know me now with my vocal tic. I actually remember the day it started. I was a junior in high school and I was sick in bed one night. I couldn't breathe through my nose, and I just randomly made the noise. Ever since then, I couldn't really stop. However, it has started to get much better and has subsided more than I thought it ever would. My doctor and I have been working on a technique called Behavior Reversal Therapy, where when I feel the need to do my vocal tic, I try to "move" that tic into a less noticeable area, such as sucking in my stomach. Since I've been doing that, and my medicine has been completely changed, my tics are SO much more relaxed. I hope a lot of people have noticed.
In the past year, I really let my Tourette's get to me. Keep in mind, I had a complete whirlwind of a year and I was not in the right state of mind. But we will explore that as the blog goes on. My vocal tics got so bad that I couldn't sleep at night. Partially because they bothered me, and the other reason being that I felt bad for keeping my roommate awake at night. However, all of my family and friends, specifically my housemates at Marist and my cousins, went above and beyond to make sure I was okay and to know they still loved me. For that guys, I will always be thankful.
Two of the many factors that led to my TS getting so out of control happened in the summer of 2010. The first one occurred while I was on my lunch break at work. I went to Subway and ordered my sandwich. I had my vocal tic occur a few times, and tried to play if off only to see the guy making my sandwich was behind the counter doing a little dance and copying my vocal tics. This was the first time anyone had ever made fun of me. I went home and made my facebook status about it, and received OVERWHELMING support from friends, family, coaches, etc. Long story short, we filed a complaint with Subway. A week later I received a phone call from the president of Subway to tell me that the worker had been fired and will never work for Subway again. He told me he wanted me to feel comfortable when I walked into a Subway. I simply told him thank you and I appreciate the call. But, I still have not eaten Subway since then. The next incident occurred on an airplane, after probably the best vacation I have ever been on. I was flying back from Oregon with my Aunt Cindy, and we had a red eye flight. I was in such a good mood because I had just spent a week with my cousins in Oregon who I don't get to see often, and they are some of my favorite people in the world. Of course, a flight from Oregon is about 5 hours, and I was getting restless since I was squeezed in the middle seat and my Tourette's wasn't too good. Once the plane landed, the guy sitting to the left of me broke out his blackberry, and was holding it in a way that I could see it. He had gotten an e-mail from a colleague saying "I was just on the worst red eye flight ever!" The guy next to me responded by saying, "I highly doubt it was worse than mine. The guy next to me had Tourette's and had random utters every 5 minutes. There should be a law..." A law? Against people with Tourette's? Really man? This made me so self-conscious for a long time. I wouldn't go to the library at school, I wouldn't go sit in a Starbucks like I used to love doing, basically anywhere that may have been quiet, I refused to go. Just to prove how far I have come since then, I am sitting in a Starbucks right now writing this blog post. Being confident in yourself and knowing people are going to make judgements and look at you regardless of what you are doing is something I learned from my doctor and something I hope many people can learn from me, too.
The best thing that could have come of this whole situation happened to me last week when I was at my doctor's for an appointment. He raised the question to me "How has your Tourette's stopped you in your life from doing anything?" I thought about it, and said, "Well, at this point in my life, it doesn't stop me from doing ANYTHING. I know people are going to look at me because of my Tourette's, but if I didn't have Tourette's they'd be looking at me because I have sunburn, or blonde hair, or any other reason. The only thing I don't do is go to the movies, and that's because I don't have the attention span to sit in a theatre for two hours. I need to constantly be moving. And I just really don't like movies."
The reason he asked me this turned out being Dr. Stu has a few patients who are 10-11 years old and have Tourette's. They all have said to him that they are afraid they won't be able to do well in school, get a job, or have a girlfriend. He said he immediately thought of me and wanted to offer me a kind of internship, since he knows I want to follow him and be a Clinical Psychologist. He wants me to be a mentor and a support group leader for these kids to help them realize just because you have TS does NOT mean you are limited to what you can do in life. When he told me this, I was shaking. I was so happy. All of my friends are starting internships this summer, and I was upset that I wasn't going to be able to have one. It's funny how life can work out that way.
I want you, the reader, to figure out the moral of the blog and interpret it in your own way. The way I see it is that there are great people in the world, and some incompetent, rude, and even downright mean people. Simply, if you are nice to people, they will be nice to you too. I want to thank all of the people in my life who have understood my condition, haven't judged me, and have let me be a part of their everyday life. You all have no idea how much you have impacted my life in a positive way.
Thank you guys for reading. Remember to LIVE a LIFE full of LOVE.
Keep reading and commenting!
-John
For those of you who don't know, I was diagnosed with Tourette's in the 4th grade. For someone to be diagnosed with TS, a person has to have constant, involuntary bodily movements for AT LEAST a year. When I was in fourth grade, I would jerk my head like crazy. At first, my mom thought it was just me copying New Jersey Devils goalie Martin Brodeur. But when she told me to stop doing that, I couldn't. This would lead to me sucking in my stomach, flexing at my rib cage, and rapid eye blinking. This is when it all started.
Most of you know me now with my vocal tic. I actually remember the day it started. I was a junior in high school and I was sick in bed one night. I couldn't breathe through my nose, and I just randomly made the noise. Ever since then, I couldn't really stop. However, it has started to get much better and has subsided more than I thought it ever would. My doctor and I have been working on a technique called Behavior Reversal Therapy, where when I feel the need to do my vocal tic, I try to "move" that tic into a less noticeable area, such as sucking in my stomach. Since I've been doing that, and my medicine has been completely changed, my tics are SO much more relaxed. I hope a lot of people have noticed.
In the past year, I really let my Tourette's get to me. Keep in mind, I had a complete whirlwind of a year and I was not in the right state of mind. But we will explore that as the blog goes on. My vocal tics got so bad that I couldn't sleep at night. Partially because they bothered me, and the other reason being that I felt bad for keeping my roommate awake at night. However, all of my family and friends, specifically my housemates at Marist and my cousins, went above and beyond to make sure I was okay and to know they still loved me. For that guys, I will always be thankful.
Two of the many factors that led to my TS getting so out of control happened in the summer of 2010. The first one occurred while I was on my lunch break at work. I went to Subway and ordered my sandwich. I had my vocal tic occur a few times, and tried to play if off only to see the guy making my sandwich was behind the counter doing a little dance and copying my vocal tics. This was the first time anyone had ever made fun of me. I went home and made my facebook status about it, and received OVERWHELMING support from friends, family, coaches, etc. Long story short, we filed a complaint with Subway. A week later I received a phone call from the president of Subway to tell me that the worker had been fired and will never work for Subway again. He told me he wanted me to feel comfortable when I walked into a Subway. I simply told him thank you and I appreciate the call. But, I still have not eaten Subway since then. The next incident occurred on an airplane, after probably the best vacation I have ever been on. I was flying back from Oregon with my Aunt Cindy, and we had a red eye flight. I was in such a good mood because I had just spent a week with my cousins in Oregon who I don't get to see often, and they are some of my favorite people in the world. Of course, a flight from Oregon is about 5 hours, and I was getting restless since I was squeezed in the middle seat and my Tourette's wasn't too good. Once the plane landed, the guy sitting to the left of me broke out his blackberry, and was holding it in a way that I could see it. He had gotten an e-mail from a colleague saying "I was just on the worst red eye flight ever!" The guy next to me responded by saying, "I highly doubt it was worse than mine. The guy next to me had Tourette's and had random utters every 5 minutes. There should be a law..." A law? Against people with Tourette's? Really man? This made me so self-conscious for a long time. I wouldn't go to the library at school, I wouldn't go sit in a Starbucks like I used to love doing, basically anywhere that may have been quiet, I refused to go. Just to prove how far I have come since then, I am sitting in a Starbucks right now writing this blog post. Being confident in yourself and knowing people are going to make judgements and look at you regardless of what you are doing is something I learned from my doctor and something I hope many people can learn from me, too.
The best thing that could have come of this whole situation happened to me last week when I was at my doctor's for an appointment. He raised the question to me "How has your Tourette's stopped you in your life from doing anything?" I thought about it, and said, "Well, at this point in my life, it doesn't stop me from doing ANYTHING. I know people are going to look at me because of my Tourette's, but if I didn't have Tourette's they'd be looking at me because I have sunburn, or blonde hair, or any other reason. The only thing I don't do is go to the movies, and that's because I don't have the attention span to sit in a theatre for two hours. I need to constantly be moving. And I just really don't like movies."
The reason he asked me this turned out being Dr. Stu has a few patients who are 10-11 years old and have Tourette's. They all have said to him that they are afraid they won't be able to do well in school, get a job, or have a girlfriend. He said he immediately thought of me and wanted to offer me a kind of internship, since he knows I want to follow him and be a Clinical Psychologist. He wants me to be a mentor and a support group leader for these kids to help them realize just because you have TS does NOT mean you are limited to what you can do in life. When he told me this, I was shaking. I was so happy. All of my friends are starting internships this summer, and I was upset that I wasn't going to be able to have one. It's funny how life can work out that way.
I want you, the reader, to figure out the moral of the blog and interpret it in your own way. The way I see it is that there are great people in the world, and some incompetent, rude, and even downright mean people. Simply, if you are nice to people, they will be nice to you too. I want to thank all of the people in my life who have understood my condition, haven't judged me, and have let me be a part of their everyday life. You all have no idea how much you have impacted my life in a positive way.
Thank you guys for reading. Remember to LIVE a LIFE full of LOVE.
Keep reading and commenting!
-John
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Intro
My name is John Champion and I am a senior studying Psychology at Marist College in Poughkeepsie, New York. I am an aspiring Clinical Psychologist. Yes, that means I do plan on getting my Doctor of Psychology degree. (Psy.D) That, however, is not what this blog is about at all. I'm going to start out by saying, it's amazing how much ONE year can make or break a person physically, mentally, and emotionally. Fortunately and unfortunately, in the past year I was both broken into pieces and made into a person I NEVER thought I could be. This blog will explore the ups and downs, the heartbreak, the depression, anxiety, and ultimately, the uncanny ability to overcome all of these things and set forth goals I never thought I would do. I'm hoping I can inspire my friends and even strangers to overcome their own odds and realize the GOOD things LIFE has to offer. Which means you have to LIVE. You need to live a respectful LIFE. And above all, you need to LOVE. You can love your husband, wife, mother, father boyfriend, girlfriend, dog, etc. People just need to feel the emotion of love, and that's one of the things that had gotten away from me the past year. I will update this blog every day or every couple days, as I have many things to say. Please leave your comments on here, facebook, twitter, or anywhere else and let me know what you think. My next posting will talk about how I deal with Tourette's Syndrome on a daily basis. Finally, just to get this off my chest since most of the people reading this do not know, I am a suicide survivor. I will get more into that as the blog goes on, but I thank God everyday for giving me a second chance at life and letting me see the good in people, who my TRUE friends are, how blessed I am for the family I have, and the gift of finally realizing what I want to do with my life.
Stay tuned, everyone. I will probably write the next part of the blog tonight after work. Thank you for listening and your continued support!
-John
Stay tuned, everyone. I will probably write the next part of the blog tonight after work. Thank you for listening and your continued support!
-John
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